Warning.  Human Here.  I’m under construction! Yes, I feel like this is the warning label for me.  Why am I warning you, it simple, I need you to see the truth before you dive in and get the wrong impression.  I feel like it’s the only way to start out right on this journey I plan to embark on. 

            You see for as long as I can remember, I’ve been writing.  Not stories, that was not where I excelled.  Instead, I would write about my life, whether it was through poetry or later inspirational things. When I started writing at about 10 years old, I did it to express so much of my pain. My home was full of conflict and arguing.  Most of the time I desperately needed a way to get out all I was feeling inside.  It was like I was bleeding on the page all the things I was thinking and feeling. Sweet relief.  Writing was a path to freedom and release because the hurt was not acknowledged. That’s what writing was to me in the beginning. 

            As I grew older, I stopped writing for a time. It’s simple, I got busy and the things that consumed my every day took up to great a space. Sitting and just jotting down poems didn’t seem important when I was juggling full-time work and later parenting. But eventually I got back to it, to writing, but this time it was different. I came into my own style, and perhaps it was because I had spent so much of my life reading devotions and going to church, that’s what came out of me.  The life lessons and things I have learned from God began to inspire me and pour from my soul. It was great because I’m a verbal processor so I would process and write.  It helps clarify things that I struggled to understand, and I loved doing it.  I enjoy creating these so much that I have several notebooks of these short devotionals. Occasionally, I would pull one out and share one with a friend, but that’s as far as it went.  Eventually, I just figured (And I know this sounds morbid) that when I died maybe my children would find them and publish them. Kind of like Oswald Chamberlin.  I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I like the sound and lessons laid out in the mini messages God inspired me to write so I thought they had some potential value, or perhaps they might bless someone else.  Yet the way that could happen did not occur to me. So, I just sat on them, not literally, I just moved them with me from place to place and stored them mostly. For years. 

Now I’m in my early 40s and I’ve lived a lot of life. I think it’s time that I did something with these small nuggets of wisdom and inspiration that God gave me. Maybe it’s realizing that I don’t have to wait till I die, if these mini messages can help someone, is it right to just keep it to myself?  But I still had a very big reservation about embarking on this journey.

            Here it is, before I go much further, I want to say that the idea of putting these out there is also very scary to me. Offering my soul up on a platter for judgement. Probably another reason why I waited so long.  I’ve had a lot of devotion books from other people, and I knew that these people often go on to speak at conferences and things such as that, not that I think I’m on any kind of equivalent level to those people. But I know that often in the Christian world if somebody is seen as inspired or has something to offer, a lot of people want to learn from them. I don’t feel in any way worthy of any title like that.  Not that I’m some kind of horrible person, but I’m very flawed and if you looked, you don’t even have to look hard, you would see why I think that.  Too often Christian people are expected to be perfect, and I will never be.  My view of myself is simple, I see myself as a very flawed individual, whose trying but continually fails. If I’m being 100% honest, I completely understand what Paul said when he said that I am the chief of all sinners. I’ve had a failed marriage, failed relationships, and I’ve even had to change my career a few times.  If you looked for references, there would be some who would not recommend me.   This is not false humility or self-slander if there is such a thing. This is truth. 

This flawed human, God has inspired.  I can’t imagine why.  I am not somebody who I would put up on any kind of a pedestal as a success story or somebody to listen to. This has been my greatest hesitation in sharing these things that I have written. You see I may have put pen to paper and written them, but I feel like they were inspired by the Lord, and that if I have any kind of a gift in writing all the credit goes to him. If there’s anything good in me it’s God, the rest is me.  God’s helping me through this too, and maybe my humanity, my flaws, are what reminds me of my great need for him.  So, I praise God I am flawed.  I just don’t want to put any other message out there or have anyone expect perfection.  I’m under construction remember.

            You might think it’s funny but I even thought maybe I should just write under some kind of pseudonyms so people wouldn’t really know who I am. I’m not ashamed of myself or my life, I just don’t think it’s noteworthy. I am the same as anyone else really.  

            So why am I writing this warning label, because I want it known that any honor or glory that comes from any of this writing goes to one place. Only through the power of the Holy Spirit and his inspiration and guidance could any wisdom pour out of me. Also, I want to warn that some of the things I write are hard truths. Yes, there is such a thing because truth can be hard to hear and process, even for me while I’m writing it.  People don’t always like the truth. You might not agree with everything, I don’t know if I do. But I try to be true to what the scripture says and to what God has taught me in life, through living life and his word. It is not easy to put yourself out there, and I’ve always said anonymity is a nice thing, not being looked at or noticed, just being able to hide. I do have a hiding place, that’s what God has always been for me. 

            Full disclosure, I don’t just have writings and journals of all happy inspired things, but I also have an angry journal.  I think everybody should. You ought to have a place where you can release the negative and really be honest with how you truly feel. God already knows you’re thinking it, so why not get it out so it doesn’t stay inside.  You see if I’ve learned one thing in my 44 years of living it’s that whether it’s my angry journal, or the inspirational writings that God pours through me, every single part of me God knows and loves. It’s the broken vessel that he died for, that his light shines more clearly through. That’s who I am. 

            So, if you’re looking for a role model look to Jesus, not me. If you’re looking for wisdom look to God, not me. But if you’re looking for a fellow Sojourner that is just traveling through and holding onto Jesus all the way, well you could look my way then. Maybe I can share the truths and hope he places in me with you.  I hope that all the things I have learned, endured, grown through, and have discovered along my life’s path will be a blessing to you.  Here goes Lord, I’m not burying it.  I’ll go ahead and shine, just for you Jesus – for Him, Through Him, and To Him, And for Him Alone – Always.