I was talking with my friend the other day. I’m not sure why I did it, but I began to question him. I called him out on a certain behavior or choice he had been making. He responded defensively with an explanation as to why he made that choice. This would normally be where I would have ended that portion of the conversation, but not that day. I’m still not sure why I pushed but I did. I pushed on and brought up that the same choice was made by him previously another time. I explained that the excuse he was using was inaccurate because this was not a new thing. Just for some background, things have changed, different staff was now in place. I pointed out that his behavior and choice was the same prior to the transition to the new staff, so that could not be the true reason he was making the choice he was making. I didn’t stop there, I dug even deeper and persisted with my questioning. I brought up that in a completely different setting, I noticed the same choice or behavior was being made. His excuse didn’t pan out and I wanted him to see that. 

He looked a bit taken aback at my perception, so I explained that I understood there may be a reason for the choice he was making but it was not the excuse that he was giving me. I think I was trying to help him connect the dots and I realized that I wanted him to move towards self-reflection instead of just accepting the status quo. I wanted this for my friend because I thought he was in denial and needed to consider his true reasons. Was this my job to point this out to my friend? Probably not, but that was how it played out that day. Yes, we’re still friends, I think true friends should tell each other truths even when they’re not always easy to share or hear. 

Later on, I sat contemplating what had occurred between my friend and I. I realized that my motivation was wanting him to be honest with himself.  I had observed him doing something all of us do regularly. We make excuses so that we don’t have to face the root of the issue. We excuse our behavior and our choices, so we do not have to examine any deeper, potentially getting to the heart of the matter and actually find resolution. We don’t really want to ask ourselves the real reason behind our choices and we don’t want to self-reflect, even if it would mean living a better way. Excuses are our shield against real change, and unfortunately, they get in the way of true freedom from our hang ups. I do it, and I know you have done it because it’s what we do as humans. We sidestep, we deflect, we rationalize, and we excuse. It is human nature. Yet we don’t have to let our human nature win here, there is another way.

Just for clarification, an excuse and a reason are different. A paralytic can’t walk, why? The reason is that they are paralyzed. I argue that reasons are unchangeable things, things that are out of our control and ability to change. Now we have assistance to help deal with our limitations, or reasons. A paralytic can use a wheelchair to help them be more mobile. I use glasses because I have bad eyesight. It is not an excuse it is a reason. So there is a difference between an excuse and a reason. What does the serenity prayer say “God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (my reasons), the courage to change the things I can(my excuses), and the Wisdom to know the difference.” Here is where the self-reflection comes in, the wisdom to know the difference.

In Psalms 139 it says “Search me oh God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” We know that as a believers we go to the Lord to praise him, and to ask him to meet the needs of ourselves and others. I argue that there is something more we need to go to God about. Search me, Lord. Self-reflect, examine your heart and truly see.  We should go to him with an open heart and ask him to do his work in us. How does God respond when we ask him to search us? It simple, he searches us. So be honest with yourself about the things that need to change, things that are true issues. Why should you do this? We should want to deal with something that is a true issue, because it will end up causing problems and limit us in our life.

I’m not sure of the numbers or the exact statistics but I know that if you discover cancer in the early stages, you have a much greater chance of survival then if you find it at stage four. Issues do not shrink when they are ignored either in your spirit or in your body. No, instead they grow larger. Perhaps it won’t kill you, but it can set you in unhealthy patterns that repeat over and over in your life. At what point do we finally make it a priority to determine the true cause of our weaknesses, and to identify the areas of vulnerability within ourselves?

You are lying to yourself if you don’t believe that you have any issues, struggles, or excuses you are holding on to. We all can be better than we are and we all can afford to change. None of us are perfect like Christ. So, this honest self-reflection needs to be a part of every believer’s life. This is a truth, and it’s a hard truth, one that we all want to avoid. But how can we?

Some believers may argue that self-reflection is not mandated by God, or is it? Romans 12:2 says “do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God. What is good and acceptable and perfect.” Second Corinthians 13:5 says “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourself. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Christ is in you, unless indeed you fail to meet the test.” Also, in Matthew Jesus said that you see a twig in your brother’s eye but there is a log in your own. What can we garner from Christ’s words? That it’s time to stop worrying about that which is within your brother’s eye (spend your life judging others) and be more concerned if there’s a log in your own. Take a look at your own reflection and self-reflect. It is time to be honest with yourself, to lay excuses aside, and to ask Christ to reveal to you the real issues, the root of the problem.

Why? Can’t we just ignore it and act like it’s not there? I hope the reason is clear now, it’s the path towards true freedom, true healing – that’s what true honest self-reflection is. We say that we really want Christ to change us, we really want to be more like him, but are we running from it? 

Let’s do this a better way, pray the serenity prayer, and ask God to search you.  Be ready, he will search you, he will change you if you let him, he will heal you, and you will finally find true freedom! It’s all about freedom! Let Christ truly set you free, reflect and be open to change that leads to balance, that leads to healing and yes freedom. It all starts with being willing to take an honest look at yourself, your life, your motives, your excuses, and your actions.  Are you willing to try it and self-reflect? Aren’t you ready to see real change and be free from your excuses? Try it, even if it’s uncomfortable or scary, you will not regret it.  The only thing you will regret, is knowing this but doing nothing.  It’s your choice to make, your freedom to gain or lose.  What will you decide?  

Scripture: Psalms 139:23-24, Jeremiah 17:10, Psalms 139, Romans 12:12, 2 Cor. 13:5