This evening for some reason I was getting in a very retrospective mindset. I don’t know if you’ve ever sat through a retrospective but in the IT world we do a Sprint, which is a cycle of work on a project, and we always do a retrospective when the cycle wraps up.  We do this to see what went right, what didn’t go right, lessons we learned, and how can we do something better next time. So here I sat in a very retrospective mood but more of a negative retrospective. I got stuck on what was wrong, and all my failings.

In my mind, I kept replaying all the names I could call myself based on my past actions. Every mistake I’ve made, every lie I’ve told to others and to myself, and all the times I’ve selfishly used others, completely ignoring the selflessness that God asks of us. The thoughts raced through my head, one after another, like salmon swimming upstream, relentless and unending. All my mistakes, all my wrongdoings, and the negative thoughts just kept bombarding me.

I sat down with the intention of writing about all my wrongdoings, but trust me, you wouldn’t want to hear the long list of my sins. As I opened my computer and started thinking about how to craft this confession, God reminded me of something important. It doesn’t matter. All the things I’ve done, the sins I’ve committed, and the mistakes I’ve made – none of it matters. How can that be? Because my sins no longer have power over me. I’m forgiven. Completely and totally forgiven. The Bible says that as far as the east is from the west, He has removed our sins from us. It also says that if we confess our sins to God, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Ironically, I’ve written about this before – about how we aren’t just painted over walls, but made new. I know the truth, yet sometimes the enemy gets into my head with condemning thoughts. In my weakness, I indulged them for a few minutes, feeling really bad about myself and all my failures. Then, like a breath of fresh air from the Spirit of God, I was reminded that none of it matters because it’s all gone. The truth swept over me. I don’t have to beat myself up over people I might have hurt in my selfishness, over things I intentionally did wrong because I wanted to, or over things I unintentionally did wrong because I didn’t foresee the consequences. Every sin I’ve ever committed, from now till I die, He has forgiven me. He doesn’t just save us from our sins; He is able to keep us.

Some might say I’m advocating the “once saved, always saved” idea. Let me clarify: I do believe God is fully able to save and keep us. It can seem confusing. After all, some people call themselves saved, say they’ve asked God into their hearts, but don’t live like it. Let me ask you this: Do you believe that God can see into the hearts of man to determine his true intentions? He knows when we come with true repentance. True repentance is transformative and brings about real change in our life. If you truly receive salvation and genuinely ask God to be Lord of your life, then I believe He saves you and keeps you but not everyone who says the prayer of salvation really means it. Words are cheap, and there must be actions behind those words. Faith without works is dead.

Believing that our salvation is eternal doesn’t mean you can’t walk away from the Lord. Also, it doesn’t mean you completely lose your relationship with the Lord every time you sin. Here’s what I mean: did the prodigal son cease to be a son because he left? Just because he claimed his inheritance and walked away, he didn’t stop being in a relationship with his father. We know from scripture about his father, how he never stopped looking for him, hoping and waiting for his son’s return. So much so that he saw his son returning even when he was a long way off. In my own life, there have been times when I have willfully chosen things that I know were not God’s way, yet even then God was covering me or calling me to come home. I was always His, and I always will be. Nothing anyone will ever say will change that for me, even my own thoughts.

Tonight, as I sit here, I hear that voice – the voice of truth – reminding me that God’s love for me is undeniable, that He has forgiven all the sins I’ve ever committed, that He is strong enough to keep me, and that He will never leave me or forsake me. That’s the voice I need to listen to, not the other voices.

When I look at my life, I might not be where I thought I would be, but God is not surprised by it. He isn’t upset by where I am. I might not be who I thought I’d be at this point in my life, but He isn’t disappointed in my progress. He’s not up there with some measuring stick, demanding that we meet height requirements to get on the ride to heaven. He sent His Son because He knew that none of us would be able to measure up to His standard, none of us would be allowed on the ride. He also knew that He couldn’t lower His standard. So instead, His Son took the punishment we deserved, suffered in our place so that we could stand in His. I don’t know about you, but that’s so powerful. I don’t need to confess anything to you because I’ve confessed everything to the Lord, and He’s forgiven me. He’s removed those things, and they are not there anymore. He told me the truth many years ago – I know because I wrote about it. I may have forgotten, but God reminded me of the truth of His forgiveness and love for me.

In the spirit of a retrospective, what have I done wrong? Nothing, if you ask God because He has already forgiven me. He has removed my sins along with their guilt and shame from me.

What can I do better? Trust in God and His forgiveness, knowing that His love cannot be stopped by anything.

What can I learn? Learn to listen to the voice of truth, not the enemy who seeks to destroy or discourage me.

What will I do better? Have faith, believe in God’s promises, and see myself as He sees me.

See how simple it is, a proper retrospective. Thank you, God, for reminding me again and making it new to me tonight. I needed to be reminded of the truth. The truth that it’s not about who I am, it’s about who You are! You are an amazing, all-seeing, faithful, just, and forgiving Lord, my Lord.

Scriptures: 1 John 1:9, 2 Cor. 5:21, Romans 8, Psalms 103:12, Gala. 2:20, Luke 15:20-24