I was struggling and frustrated with my daughter’s behavior when I had an epiphany. She was doing exactly what I do, kind of. There I was, all worked up and feeling completely justified in my frustration and anger towards her, when I realized I am not any better than she. She would ask me a question with the answer already in mind. She knew the right answer before she said a word to me because she had predetermined what she wanted and what was best. She was so smart in her own mind, completely confident in her own wisdom. When the answer I gave was not what she wanted to hear, she would move through the five stages of grief and try to manipulate the situation so that my answer would change. She thought if she was persistent enough, I would cave in to her demands, allowing her to have her way. If I conceded, I would get angry and frustrated with myself because I knew the consequences she couldn’t even imagine or see from her perspective. I just want to protect her. Yet she stubbornly pushed for her way because she knew best, right? If I stayed persistent, she would pout and punish me with irritating behaviors for trying to protect and guide her. I was sitting there in my anger with my daughter over this silly situation, and God struck me with the realization that I was not better than my daughter. In fact, I do the same thing she was doing to me to Him.

How many times have I done the same thing with my heavenly Father? All the time, I’m sure. I come to Him just knowing that what I’m asking for is right (and it may even be the right thing but not the right time). I just know He will say yes, but He doesn’t. Then what do I do? I go through the same steps. I badger Him, barter with Him, plead the case for my answer or wisdom, complain about His answer, and attempt to make it clearly known to my Savior that the way He is guiding me is wrong. Essentially, I am behaving badly on purpose to punish Him for not giving me my way. It is as if He is in the driver’s seat and I am screaming at the top of my lungs, “Wrong way,” “Not this way,” “How much longer,” “You’re going too slow,” “I want to go the other way,” “I don’t want that,” etc. You get my point. The thing is, it is the same situation as I experienced with my daughter, but now I am the problem.

Wisdom says that God has a much clearer view of my life. He knows the end, middle, and beginning. He knows the consequences, pitfalls, and has the guidance I need. His vision is much clearer than mine and much sharper. He is not going to concede to my wisdom. God forbid! He is going to defer to His own wisdom, His point of view in everything, because He is everything good and right. The question is am I willing to trust Him in the same way that I am asking my daughter to trust me? It’s not an easy question to answer, but trust is what my response should be as a believer in Christ.

God must get frustrated with my griping, manipulating, and lack of trust just like I felt toward my daughter. Sometimes I think He even goes ahead and lets us have what we think we need. But we all know the end of that story because what we want is not often what we need. Then we find ourselves in a mess of our own making. Of course, He is there to rescue us even in situations of our own making. He is good even when we aren’t, faithful when we are faithless, and a grace-giving God even when we don’t deserve it.

The truth is, it all comes back to trust. My daughter could not see that there was wisdom in my direction and instruction. She did not have the foresight I had gained in my life that I was using to make decisions that would help her. Bumps, hurdles, and dangers she could not see. She trusted her own judgment over mine. Her desires mattered more to her than her safety.

In the same way, all too often with God, I am no different. Not trusting in His wisdom, greatness, and foreknowledge. I should just trust Him and accept His will for my life. Accept the answers He gives me. It’s no easy thing to do, but it’s what I should do.

Maybe I should be less angry with my daughter and instead be grateful that she showed me something I needed to see in myself. No more spiritual fits or trying to manipulate God’s will when I don’t get my way. No more bartering, begging, or complaining. No, instead it’s time to accept God’s ultimate authority and goodness. It’s time to trust. I hope you too will choose the path of trust in God. It is no easy road because you have to fully lean on Him and His understanding, and do just as scripture says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.”

Scriptures: Proverbs 3:5-7, Proverbs 1:7, James 1:5