The other day, I used the term “Middle Aged” to describe myself, and it’s not entirely inaccurate. Even if I were to live to 90 years, I would be halfway through my life now. That means I am indeed middle-aged.

I remember hearing stories about middle-aged people, in an effort to feel young, doing dramatic things such as buying a motorcycle, leaving their long-time relationship to find a new one, changing their career, or getting a crazy hairdo. I always thought it was kind of funny and never really understood what would prompt someone to do any of those things. I didn’t understand until I became middle-aged myself. The realization of the reasons behind some of the crazy decisions is clear to me now because I feel them too. After all I am middle-aged myself. What feeling am I talking about?

Well, for those of you who have not experienced it yourself, let me explain. It started when I noticed that many things in my life were losing their luster. They still shined but not nearly as bright. They just weren’t very exciting anymore. Whether it was TV shows or books, places I would go, or things I would do, everything started to feel humdrum. This blah feeling kind of settled over my life. Simultaneously, there comes a realization that I’d lived a great deal of my life and could see that the end was coming much closer than before. So, you experience an urgency to enjoy life and grab onto it like a bull by both horns and ride it off into the sunset. Sounds funny, but it’s true.

I’ve heard people suggest that you should live like you’re dying; there’s even several song about it. When you’re middle-aged, you realize that it’s true since death seems closer. Simultaneously, you recognize that you want to keep living and enjoying this life. That the proverbial timer of your life is running down. It’s not over yet, but the end is getting closer. On top of that the pace of life has quickened. When things roll downhill, they gain momentum and go faster. It’s true that the speed of our life as we age picks up, and it passes by more rapidly. For example, I remember thinking in days as a kid and maybe weeks as a teenager. As an adult, I moved on to seeing things in months or seasons. The thought that one day I’ll wake up and life will flash forward in years is becoming something that I realized might happen. People call old age as being “over the hill”, so when you are middle aged that must mean you are at the top. We all know there is only one direction to go when you are at the highest point. This is the current state and position I find myself in and now things are beginning to make sense that did not before.

Perhaps I have judged people harshly for their reactions to being “middle aged” in the past. I should have had more grace for them. After all, I find myself wanting to react to this new situation just like they did. Maybe not in the same way, but the desire to do something dramatic is there. Starting a blog was a reaction birthed out of the realization that I should do this while I’m living and have a chance to share what God has given me now. I determined that I didn’t want to wait till I died to share it. After years of waiting, all these years, I got to the place where I’m acting on something that I’ve been sitting on for a long time. Maybe this is in some way due to my midlife crisis.

I do find it interesting that the thought of some things that I used to think of as crazy now sounds interesting. I am beginning to understand why people get motorcycles or skydive because there’s this desire to feel that adrenaline rush and really live. Rational or not, I get it, even if I’m not going to get a motorcycle and probably will never skydive. There are some things I’m going to do, though. Like maybe go white water rafting or rappelling. Those are things I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m going to do them while I still can. Maybe it takes more to feel alive, and that’s why people do that, because this blah feeling that has come over me is very unsettling.

It’s disturbing to me that things that I know should be fulfilling and bring joy just don’t have the same potency that they once had. It makes me wonder if this is a passing phase, or at least I pray it is. The blame for this dullness is not on the things; they’re the same as they’ve always been. I know internally that it’s me; it’s an internal struggle. Any other middle-aged people out there going through this like me? I’d say I’m the only one, but I don’t think that’sntrue. Knowing that these feelings are a part of being middle-aged helps because you know you are not alone, and you know they are passing feelings.

Not all things about being middle-aged are bad, though. We should focus on the positives for a bit. Here’s the good thing about being middle-aged. I’ve learned a lot and lived a lot, and if I apply all those things that I’ve learned as I’ve lived, then I can make the last half of my life better than my first. That is truly a gigantic blessing. I don’t have to make the same mistakes; I have the wisdom to know which roads I should go down, which are worth it, and what to avoid. Yes, my body is aging and slowly falling apart, but I will be at peace with that too because, well, I’m a believer, and I know that one day my youth will be restored even if it is when I get to heaven. Till then, I’ll take the best care of the vessel that I have and be at peace with the fact that gravity is not my friend. No point thinking I won’t get old; we really can’t get out of that, and is the alternative really the option we want to go with?

Every stage in life is a different season. Middle-aged is a time that we will go through if we are blessed to continue living long enough. Each phase has its great parts, and it also has its hard parts. As I move into this middle-aged phase of my life and begin to understand with new eyes what it means to be here, I pray that in this season, I can see God in just as real of a way as I saw him in my other seasons. I pray that I’ll be less concerned about what I don’t have in my life anymore and more concerned about what God is bringing into my life and what he’s asking as a part of this new season. To keep looking for new adventures he is leading me towards. As I move into the years when my children are grown and beginning to move away, I hope to find time to do missions and ministry that I’ve always dreamed of. I pray that even though I won’t be a youth with vibrant, endless energy, God will revive me to serve in a capacity that I have not had the ability to do because of life responsibilities, work, and lack of time/opportunity.

Middle-aged is a place and a season that we will all go through, God willing. Humdrum is a valley we will all experience; it’s just a feeling. Aging is a reality we cannot escape except through death, all of us. What do we do in the face of it, in the passing of seasons? In our middle-aged life, and even beyond?

We live our best life anyway, no matter our season. We keep perspective; the things haven’t changed, we have. We use that newfound time and wisdom to pursue God and the adventures he wants us to pursue, not some crazy pipe dream we think will make us feel alive or young. Finally we continue to grow spiritually. Our bodies might age and decay, but our spirit grows stronger with maturity, especially when it’s rooted and grounded in God.

Keep perspective my friend and remember that in every season of your life God has called you to be his. He has placed his light in you so you can shine, and he has called you to live your best life, middle-aged season included. Just think, once you get past middle-aged life, well, you know what comes next. But even there, in that season, God has new adventures, new purpose, and new opportunities for you. Wait for it; if you are lucky, you will get to have all the seasons. Enjoy the one you are in; I’m learning to, and I hope you can too.

Scriptures: Isaiah 40:30-31, 2 Cor. 4:16, Isaiah 46:4, Job 12:12, Joel 2:28, Psalms 73:26