In this moment, I am acutely aware of my weaknesses and failings. I see them clearly reflected in the consequences of my actions. Despite my good intentions, there is an inability within me to do many things right. When Paul said, “The things I want to do, I don’t do, and the things I don’t want to do, I do,” I completely understand what he meant. Right now, I feel this way, especially regarding my parenting.

Besides being married and having a spouse, nothing tests your mettle quite like being a parent. You learn a lot about who you are, both the good and the bad, when you see it in the beautiful faces of your very human, and very much like you, children. I was talking to a friend the other day and mentioned that there was a person I hadn’t met, but I didn’t need to meet them to know about them because I knew their children. When they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, there’s a lot of truth to that. Each of your children may show specific characteristics or look like you, not all in one, but some of you will show in each of them.

It’s not just true about this person I hadn’t met, knowing them through their children and their children’s commonalities. It’s also true for me. If you’ve met my children, you would know some of my characteristics or the characteristics of their father. From me, they gained artistic creative energy, a drive and determination, a kind heart, a bit of a bad temper, and migraines. Yes, I have both of those conditions. I just don’t let my anger rule me. I saw too many negative consequences of letting that get out of control being raised by a rageaholic father. So, I figured I would find ways to deal with my anger other than letting it explode. I’m not going to say I’m always successful, but I always try.

These traits I can identify when I look at my children. The temper is an issue several of them have had to deal with. I also see in my children where I lack the ability to organize or easily keep things clean. I’ve learned how to maintain a home, but it’s never been something that I excel at or see the need to prioritize above other things. Therefore, they like me all struggle with being neat and tidy. They did not only inherit my more negative traits. I also see some positive things they inherited, such as my compassionate nature in my second daughter, my affectionate nature in both my second and fourth child, and even my passionate spirit in each one of them. So, if you met my children, one or all of them, you could learn about me by watching them. Some of them have my same mannerisms or quirks. Some are like their father as well. That’s because there’s this thing called nurture where some of it was learned through our care of them and mimicking. There’s also nature, the characteristics that they gained that I hope I didn’t teach them, but they inherited in their genes.

Tonight, though, I was reminded of my own weaknesses and failings as a parent. I want so badly to be the perfect mother. Yet I just can’t seem to get it exactly right. Maybe the problem isn’t that I can’t get it right; maybe the problem is my perspective. Why do I want to be the perfect mom? In part this is due to the fact that I want them to be successful in life and to have a good life. I’m realistic enough to know that even if I was a perfect parent, that wouldn’t guarantee a perfect future for my children. Maybe there’s some other small part of my longing for perfection because of the expectations that I put on myself or that I think others have of me. Things that I think I must live up to as a parent. Like when I see my friends successfully parenting their children, or so it appears from the outside, in some small way I covet that success. Comparison is bad for the soul, like a poison, and it’s not how we should make choices or live our life. It’s a very destructive mental path. So, I know this is not the right way; there is something more I need to consider other than these expectations I put on myself, expectations others have of me, or my own personal struggles and weaknesses that affect my children.

I need to consider my children’s perspective. As I sit here contemplating my failings as a mother, my daily struggles as a single parent, and my wish to be better, I see on my shelf a book. A very special book my children wrote for me that they gave me last Mother’s Day. They declared page after page in their own handwriting how they love me, admire me, look up to me, and see me as the most wonderful mother in the world. In their words, if I were a superhero, I would be Wonder Woman. Amazing! It’s humbling, and that’s the truth; that’s what I am to them.

So, these feelings of weakness in my role as a mother that I’m feeling right now are because I’m putting expectations on myself that I shouldn’t. I’m looking through my own eyes, or my perception of what other people point of view is and not considering my children’s perception of me. I say so often we give grace to others, but we’re not willing to give it to ourselves. I need to give myself grace, to have grace for my weakness.

Not only do I need to grasp this truth, but further still, I need to realize the truth that my children are wonderful. When people look at my children generally., they tell me how kind, compassionate, loving, and great they are. Maybe they don’t know how to keep a house in tip-top shape 100% of the time, but they know how to love and forgive. Maybe they will struggle with a bad temper their entire life, but they know how to passionately pursue interests, and they love music like I do, even if they listen to different songs. Maybe they are not perfect by other’s standards, but neither am I, and God loves me anyway and he loves them just as they are. They may not all be going to church or even profess to have that deep relationship with God, but they all know God wants that relationship with them. They all know that it’s not about a religion or a bunch of rules to follow, but it’s about a Savior who wants to love them and know them. Maybe I make mistakes in front of my kids every day, but they see me never give up and never stop trying. The see me working to improve and try to do and be the best I can. That counts for something. Honestly, it counts for everything, because that’s the same tenacity that it is going to take for them to get through life. Life is long, and it’s hard. It’s not fair, and it’s not easy. Yet it can still be good, very good and filled with love, even if we are imperfect and weak creatures.

The truth is Christ promised that his strength would be made perfect in our weakness. So instead of sitting in guilt over the things that I have done or that I haven’t done as a parent, I can turn this over to God. He’s not only my father but he’s also theirs. He not only loves me with boundless love, but he also loves them with it. Finally, even though I don’t have the strength or the perfection in my role as a mother and probably never will, God’s grace is sufficient, and his strength can be made perfect even in the weaknesses that are in me.

I don’t think I’m the only parent who feels this way. Actually, I know that I’m not because whether it’s failing in one way or another, we all fail our children. After all, we’re human so we will fail sometimes. Praise God they have another parent who never fails. It’s funny; I grew up promising myself I wouldn’t make the same mistakes my parents did, and I didn’t. No, I made a lot of other mistakes. Still, just like God had grace for my parents, he has grace for me, and he’ll have grace for my children too.

One day they may face the same reality, human weakness. My prayer is that they will face the reality of their weakness with the truth of his strength in them. The reality of our failings can be met with the truth of his grace and forgiveness, and this is true for our children as well. We can see ourselves through eyes of love, the eyes of our children, through the eyes of our Savior when we we cannot see any good in ourselves.. The truth is, we are perfect (moms and dads), not for any other reason than we are theirs. We are perfect for them. Parenting as a believer is done well when we allow Him to be strength in our weakness! That is how he meant it to be, all of our life and service lived out of love for our Savior and trusting that he will equip for every good work. Even for the good work of Parenthood.