For all of my life till now, the sight of families would make me smile. The joy, laughter, and camaraderie they share. Tonight, I do not feel that way as I look at families. Tonight, it deeply saddens me. My family, or at least my complete family unit = dad, mom, and kids, is not to be. Well, my girls will continue to grow up and my boys will also, but our life will look different. They will no longer have the benefit of an unbroken home. They will have me to cheer them on at concerts and sports, sitting separately and most likely alone. And even if their father attends it would never be as it could have been.  There has been a division, a great divide, that’s what divorce does.

Now, I do know that God always provides. Our newly constructed single mom family home, God will somehow fill out. I still think this ache will be here for years to come. At holidays, birthdays, special celebrations, these will find me here watching and knowing what divorce cost me and my children. I know it sounds depressing; it feels that way. Or at least it does for now. I will comfort myself with the truth that life will go on for me and that the emptiness will fade, it will feel less potent eventually. 

I know that time will heal all wounds. It just takes time to get there. And for now, I have to just keep going. What do I do here? What’s my step forward? For now, I’ll enjoy myself and my life as a mother and I’ll celebrate with my children and hold on to this truth. The truth that I have never been anything but held by the Lord no matter my situation, married or otherwise. God has always been my father and everything that I’ve needed him to be. That has not changed, and it never will. 

I am confident that the days of smiling at all the happy families will return as I heal. I just pray I will be enough for my children; I need God to be enough for my children and to be enough for me. That God guides and soothes them as they look for him, as they deal with their own grief over our changing family situation. That they will find God is their true father and that knowledge will be a comfort to them just like it is for me. That’s one family that will always remain intact and for that I truly thankful, that I have confidence in God! He never fails!

The truth is, it’s ok to be here and not be ok. Hurting, healing, yet knowing that there are better days ahead. Divorce may have taken a toll on me and my family but it won’t be what defines my future or theirs. I acknowledge, I feel, I learn, and I grow. I walk forward in hope even when there are twinges of pain. Resilience is a choice I make for myself and my new family.

No matter your situation I hope you can all walk forward in the same confidence and with the same hope. No matter the rubble, No matter the situation you are healing from, Keep your head up and know that somehow He will work it all for your ultimate good, even if you can’t see it now.