Recently I wrote about the part of us that only God can fill. This is the central missing puzzle piece. But are there more things we desire or need in life besides just a relationship with God. For sure, it’s true even when God occupies that space in us, still we need and want more. His companionship does not negate our need for connection, for others. Why am I bringing this up? Because I think we tell ourselves we are wrong for wanting more. Shouldn’t it be enough to have God? Is it wrong to want more? No, we are not wrong, weak or any of those things for wanting human companionship, we are simply human, and we are made in God’s image.

Our perfect God made the perfect world, and he made man, but he did not stop there. He said, it is not good for men to be alone. Man, already had God at that time, but there was still another need, a place to fill for human companionship. Companionship such as friendship, family, and others. God provided Eve to Adam and through her they created family and community. Now I know this is a controversial topic. In our culture families come in all shapes and sizes. People have their opinions on others and on their families. I am not discussing that here. That is between you and the Lord. What I want to highlight is that even God recognized that people needed other human companionship and he provided it.

It is not a weakness that we need others, it is part of the original design. Just a side note, as a woman this need has been compounded by the curse. I’m sure if you have sat in Sunday school you have heard the story. Adam and Eve sinned, and they received consequences. Adam would have to toil greatly to produce from the ground, there would be thorns weeds and pests. The ground would not easily yield up a harvest as it had originally done. This would only be done through great effort due to the curse. Eve on the other hand was cursed with pain in childbirth, thanks a lot Eve, and if that wasn’t enough of a curse, she received this curse – that her desire would be for her mate or her husband, and that he would rule over her. It was not meant to be that way originally. Sure, she was supposed to have a companion, but was more of a partnership and the relationship became warped due to the curse.

So, we have men and women, not wanting to be alone, and women to a greater degree due to the curse desiring the man, the mate. So, we were made not only with a place that only God can fill but with a place that other human companionship is needed also.This is easily seen in music. So many songs about wanting, loving, wanting love, needing someone, on and on it goes.

What do we do with this? How do we deal with this need for human companionship? For people like me who are single I don’t have access to that spouse or a wedded companion. I also want to say this is one of the places I had to talk with God about. So, you did make us with desire for others, others who like us fail. It’s like we are set up for a life of disappointment. This leaves me sitting here trying to work out how this makes sense. What do we do then, how do we live considering the knowledge that human companionship is something that we need, but is faulty. Especially for people like me who have been so hurt by our human companions.

Yesterday I was discussing this with a friend, and I was wondering if our disappointment for what we do not have him can rob us of the joy of what we do have. Let me explain. How many times have you heard someone complain about their spouse or their companion. About the fact that their expectations are not being met. They lament over the companion that they have. They wish that they could have what they perceive someone else to have. I wish my husband or wife would… Like… because their spouse is perfect, they are not disappointed like I am. Or I wish I have the relationship that that other couple has, they are so In Sync, so in love. The reality is from the outside other people’s relationships appear to be what we are missing or what we need. But that’s an illusion, and probably not true. By spending our energy staring, envying others really, we lose the blessing of what we already have. You stopped working on your relationship, thereby causing so many of the issues that you’re lamenting about, that you think others have gotten right and you might possibly have if you had put the energy towards your relationship instead of complaining about it. Do you see it, are you getting what I’m saying? You could have a better relationship if you put aside the complaining and discontented energy and instead channeled it to positive energy used to make the most of the relationships that you have. Besides that, don’t married people have other relationships in their life, such as other family and friends and loved ones. Was your spouse supposed to meet all your needs? Just think about it. And just so the married people out there don’t feel unfairly called out, Let’s look at single people.

Have you ever heard a single person say why can’t I have successful relationship (yeah actually I’ve said that line). Or they may say I’m the only one alone, everyone else has someone and they are so happy, at least they are not alone. But let’s be real single people, are you alone when you’re single? Not really, sure if you isolate yourself, you’ll be alone but not normally. You have other opportunities for companionship that a married person would never have. I can go where I want, when I want, and with who I want to go with. There is a great deal of companionship opportunities for singles. We have friends, family, and for single people like me children, children. Our lives can be very full of other human companionship opportunities even without a partner or a mate. If we spend our time lamenting over not having a partner, are we minimizing the blessings that we already have, the companionship that we are already experiencing.

Whether we are married or single, we have greater communities, and companions can you come in many forms. We cannot expect that this need for companionship was ever going to be met by just one person. To put that on one person will leave that person you are counting on frustrated and leave you disappointed. Also, why would you minimize the blessings of the other people that God has given you in your life.

I do want to point out that there are those that lose their companions, their closest companion. No amount of other people can replace that person in their life. We make space for others in our hearts when we love them, and if they are suddenly or even slowly not there, there is a gaping wound. Literally a part of you is gone that you can never get back. Those times in our lives we are not able to avoid. As people who connect with other people and love other people, the benefit is this adds life and joy to us.  The downside, it also brings along with it loss and grief as we lose those we love. So, in writing this I want to make sure that I’m not saying that one person is as good as any other as a companion. I’m simply saying that we are blessed with many forms of companionship and types of human companionship in our life. There’s no need to think that your need for human companionship and love will have to be met by one individual, some other missing part of yourself that is somehow out there and that you’ll find and then you’ll be complete. This fallacy has left many people lost and searching or disappointed. Romantic love can be a benefit in our life, it is only one part of our life. True human companionship goes much further than just romance.

It truly is such a complex thing. We need our faithful companion God and that relationship with him. Yet we also need others. It is not good for us to be alone. Add to this that we gain and yes we lose these companions throughout our life. These things make us human-the connections with others, the desire for the connections with others, the grief over the loss of others, and our own struggle to keep searching for more companions.

 Let me get to the point, it’s important that you don’t miss what you have right now, because of what you think that you don’t have. Be thankful and nourish the relationships that you have, and understand that this life is long for many, and during the course of your life you will probably occupy both singleness and being in the relationship over and over, multiple times in your life. Death, transition, change, life itself happens and we find ourselves starting again. Yet still the same heart beats inside of us with a need for love and companionship. We were designed for community, for love. So yes, as I originally wrote there is a God shaped hole in all of us and only, he can fill that place. Yet there is more we need filled.  Being alone is not good, our souls we’re designed for human connection.

Here’s the beauty, in eternity, we will be together with each other and God. We will finally be fully connected face to face with God himself and we will not be there alone. Do you see the beauty of his design? Our hearts were made to expand and love and love more. Just like God loves and wants all of us. We were made in his image after all. It will be all of us together as one connected with Christ. Paradise will finally be realized again. Till then we long for the day, but while longing for that wonderful day. Don’t lose the blessing of this moment and what you already have.