I have written previously about how we are meant to have a faithful companion; Christ filling the God space in all of us. Also, I wrote of how we need people and human companionship. After all even God said it’s not good for man to be alone. Here are a few points of clarification I need to add.

We might need companionship, but it is not always in the same form. In singleness there is companionship. In marriage there is companionship. Neither situation is better than the other. Both states are blessings from the Lord and his grace is available to us in both. Think of it, there are ministry opportunities, and companionship opportunities that a single person will have that a married person does not. It’s the same in reverse. The point is important to note because I think people see one of the states as superior to the other one. But there is not a better status. I have been both single, married, in a relationship, and single with children (complicated as my friend jokes).  In each of those states I have been happy content, and unhappy/discontent. Pain and rejection have been experienced in both states. Loneliness has been experienced in both states, yes, I was lonely even when I was married. Also, whether I was single or married I have had growth, opportunity, and love. So, the idea that if I was married I would have it all is an illusion or if I were single, I would only have to take care of myself. So silly how we always covet the other situation. The truth is each of those states whether single or married are different, not better, just different. They have their own sets of issues, complications, and benefits. Both states require work to be lived well. 

In marriage you work on your relationship and serving each other. You work to build a home and a family together and to maintain it. In singleness you work to grow, to be the best that you can be, to build a life of friends and family, to network and make connections with others, parenthood, and battling loneliness. You see you must work in both. Married or single you will struggle in both situations, there is not one that is better than the other.

Some people would argue that marriage has the benefit of partnership or sex, so it must be preferable. I have been married and I know many other people who have been married. It is rare that married people are completely satisfied with their partners or even their sex life. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. So, I’m not sure if sex can be seen as an advantage for married people. For many it’s a disappointment in marriage. 

Others may argue that singleness is better. No one to answer to, and you get to do what you want, when you want and how you want. That’s wonderful right? Sure, until you need advice or must make every choice on your own and you would love for someone to talk it over with. Somebody equally invested in the matter. You may struggle to find someone to share this amazing freedom with, it can get lonely as a single.

Why am I knocking both statuses – single and married? I want to demonstrate again that there is truly not a superior status, one is not easier to be in than the other. Whether you are married or single, in a relationship or on your own. Both have benefits, ironically the benefits can also become the greatest challenges. They also both have their difficulties. 

If there is not a state that we should strive for because one isn’t any better than the other, then what do we do? Here’s an idea, maybe instead of working towards a state of being whether it be married or single, we need to work towards a state of mind. What state of mind you might ask? Peace and contentment within the state you are in. Instead of thinking that the grass is greener on the other side you should look down and understand that if you only tended your own yard it would be even more magnificent than the other one, you’re currently staring at. 

I am not saying that you will remain in this state that you are in either. You may find yourself through death or divorce single again if you are married. Or if you are single now you may find love or choose to marry. Remember it is not the state or this status whether you’re married or single that matters, but instead it is your own mindset and attitude in it.

First and foremost, Christ is the focus of our lives whether we’re married or single. We need God occupying that God place in us in order to have true contentment. Also, we need to have a community, to have the companionship of others as God noted. In both states this is needed, they may look a bit different, but it’s the same concept.  More than anything we need to realize that being married or being single is just the state that we live in. The position or condition of our heart is by far the most important issue in a believer’s life.

As a believer, one and all, married and single, are working together as the body of Christ. We are working to serve each other and the world around us as we demonstrate Christ to each other. So married believers, pray for the single believers. Pray for them to have contentment in their lives and provision for their needs. Single believers, pray for the married believers. Pray for their families that God will strengthen their marriages, build contentment within their relationships, and provide for them. This isn’t one group versus another, we need to support each other, not envy each other, judge each other, or covet what the other group has. No God forbid we need to support and pray for each other.  Above all we need to learn to walk in contentment where we are no matter our state.

All of us needs to understand one thing. In the end we will all stand before God alone. We will be covered in Christ with him as our advocate but no one else will stand with us, whether we were single or married in life, so live like that. Be covered in Christ, depend on God to be your righteousness. We are one in all equal in our struggle, our dreams, our fears, and our needs. Married or single or in some other state. So, thank God his grace covers us all, his peace that passes understanding is for us all, his wisdom for life and our situations is for us all, his salvation and strength is for us all. Live like that, love like that, and serve like that.

Don’t worry over your status whether you’re single or married or otherwise. Instead check the focus of your mind and attitude of your heart, your soul’s focus. If they’re in the right place then you will find that whether you’re married or single, your situation will improve because your outlook and your attitude have. Here’s the thing, it was never about whether you were single or married, it was always about the most important relationship, your relationship with God. And how you live that relationship with him through your life either as a single person or a married person in response to and out of the love that Christ has shared with you. So the status you are going for – Dependent on Christ, Righteous in Him, Content where you are, and Walking in grace and while extending it to all others. Now that’s a state we can all strive for- no matter our marital status!