Goodbye.  I hate that word.  Each moment is so precious, just its passing is a sorrow.  And yet, we cannot live our lives without saying that word, without the moments passing, without those we know and care for leaving us or us them.  For every hello, there will be a goodbye.  There is not one without the other.  

Goodbyes come for many reasons, both anticipated and unexpected.  Yet however they come to us or are said there is something bittersweet about the moment of goodbye.  We recognize that we have a hello, a present, memories, and that they are ending all in that moment of goodbye.  

One kind of goodbye is death.  Death, it rips those we love from us or us from them in a way that feels quite permanent. We know as Christians that it is only a temporary parting, but for our present, we are altered.  We are separated.  It is the end for now.  What grief and sorrow!  I have had to say good bye to my grandmothers, my grandfathers, uncles, great aunts, aunts, multiple cousins, and friends. (although there have been only a few of those so far, I have been told that will change the older I get.)  It is never easy and we think of all the good times, the memories, knowing that they are all we have left to hold of the person we had in our life.  We have our home going celebrations, yet the truth is it just hurts, and we grieve no matter how positively we try to spin it.  After all, they are gone from the here and now, so it’s good bye whether it is wanted or not.  It is final for this life, not fatal to us, although grief can cause you to want it to be.  It is a true goodbye, at least for now.  

Death is not the only culprit of goodbyes.  Also, change causes goodbyes.  Our lives are on the move, in constant transition.  We do not stay in the same places, jobs, or situations.  We also grow up, grow apart, or leave. Even the bible says that a man and woman leave their parents’ home, and cleave to each other.  The very nature of our maturing and growing causes goodbyes.  Now these goodbyes are not always permanent.  Sometimes these people will come in our lives again.  Sometimes, they don’t.  We don’t get to choose most times.  We just have to accept that we are not stagnant creatures and that change can cause goodbyes of another sort.  This is the good bye that is caused by life and its many morphing moments.  Still, there is a pain in this sort of goodbye as well.  You are left with memories and not the person.  No matter how great the memories are, they cannot hold you or bring back the presence of the person in your current moment.  The person is gone, and the goodbye may not be final but it is just as permanent, because in the present, things have altered and they are gone.         

There are other kinds of goodbyes, when our relationships with people change from the form they were in.  Death of another type.  Divorce, separation, or estrangement are three situations that cause this kind of goodbye.  You see the person again and sometimes repeatedly, but that part of you that was connected is severed.  In some ways this is the worst kind of goodbye.  It is a tease, because you can remember what was, how can you not when it is in your face, but those things will never be again, and the old wound is struck again over and over and over.  Unlike a true death that with time can be more tolerable because you can move away from it, it is a death that is always in your face.  When I see my ex-husband, I remember all that was but will never be, even having moved on, the thoughts cross my mind.  So I have to actively choose to release that hurt.  It would be easier if he was dead and gone, I wouldn’t have to see him and have him as a reminder of all that was lost.  Not a nice thought, but a true one.  This kind of relationship change does not just happen between lovers.  Children walk away from parents, and parents from children.  These big roles are not supposed to be abandoned but for whatever reason, someone chooses to step away from what they should be doing.  This is a hurt/grief that is unique.  It is a living grief.  Like with death, it can become more tolerable with time, but the pain lasts long after others think you should have moved on.  People also don’t see it as a good bye, but this most certainly is.    

There is one tolerable form of goodbye, it is that goodbye when you aren’t really saying goodbye.   The non-permanent kind.  This we say all the time.  Interestingly enough, we cannot count on our quick goodbye to not become permanent.  We never know when it will be the last goodbye, at least the last one in this life.  Some people advise to not leave things go unsaid because we have no certainty of another chance to tell someone whatever we want to share.  So this light hearted farewell may seem harmless, but we can’t count on its insignificance.   

The nature of life itself is that goodbyes will be our reality, no matter the type.  The simple short ones, the long change/choice imposed ones, and the permanent ones that are both by choice and out of our control.   We all only have one life, and for every single hello, there will be a goodbye, said or unsaid.  We can’t let the fear of these goodbyes stop us from saying hello.  That is what living is.  The older I get the clearer this becomes.  I used to think life was all the good things, I’d only want the moments of ease and joy.  I loved every hello and it was what I lived for.  Now I see how much of life is constituted by pain, how that is a very important part of life.  Yet we can find joy in the pain because there is still life, and that the pain makes the joy even more potent and sweet.  The sweetness more significant because of the bitter.  The hellos savored because we know the sweet sorrow of the goodbyes.