While reading scripture tonight I discovered something that was honestly refreshing to me. Perhaps you’re like me and not all your thoughts are always positive or uplifting. Maybe you see that success seems to come easy to others who get ahead through underhanded means, and you feel like things just aren’t fair. Maybe you’ve made the right choices, but you find yourself in difficult places and when you look you see others who make all the wrong choices that seem to have it all. Maybe you’ve thought to yourself, “this isn’t right and it’s not fair.” I think we all have had these thoughts, but we make ourselves feel bad about having these thoughts. Like somehow, we’re less Christian because some of our thoughts are not positive enough, faith focused enough, or scriptural. Or are they?

Tonight as I read psalms 73. I saw that long before I or anyone else alive now ever had thoughts like that these the same sentiment was expressed and felt by others. In Psalms 73 it’s David speaking. He said he was envious of the arrogant because he saw them prosper. He saw the wicked prosper and he was jealous and even embittered. He felt the same things that we feel now long ago. Wasn’t he a man after God’s own heart yet these are things he expressed. Interestingly enough he said he had these thoughts until He went into the sanctuary of God, and he discerned their end. So, when he realized that what they have in this life matters little. It’s the end that matters, or after our end here in this life. Interesting right that this historical Biblical figure asked himself questions that I know I’ve heard asked in the present day. Maybe not the exact same way as he said it but in similar ways. Sometimes I’ve even said these things myself.

I remember a time when I was angry with God because I didn’t understand why if I had made right choices, I was the one who was the single mother of four struggling just to survive. Especially when I saw other people thrive who just did whatever they wanted and didn’t care. I know, I know, just like David I understand that our reward or blessing from God isn’t what we get in this life but it’s hard to wait for the blessing of eternity when you’re living in the here and now. It’s easy to get distracted and look around you at others and compare but we’re not looking or comparing the right thing when we do. The reason I say all this to explain how wrong our own self condemnation for having these thoughts is. We condemn ourselves for thinking and feeling these things when this man in scripture so clearly expressed his thoughts and felt no guilt or shame over it. It’s in the Bible. Why do we feel guilt and shame over thoughts that we don’t see as Christian enough. Maybe we should take a page out of the Psalmist book and express how we feel yet still go to the House of the Lord and let him inform us of truth that can enlighten are very human thoughts.

If you want more evidence that these seemingly negative and anguished thoughts are not wrong to express take a look at another book in the Bible. The entire book of Ecclesiastes. I know I’ve thought those things written and expressed in Ecclesiastes especially as I age. It talks about how you’re only young once and it fades. The author expresses how pointless and meaningless everything in life is. I can’t tell you how many people have those very same thoughts every single day and somehow feel like they’re the only one. But all those hundreds and hundreds of years ago someone else felt the exact same way and it was ok to express it, and to feel it.  

Another book in the Bible that demonstrates how not wrong these thoughts and feelings are is the book of Lamentations in which the author wrote of how they were constantly feeling attacked, on all sides.  They felt threatened, abandoned, and were honestly tormented it seems. Depressed would be a good description of their feelings. Yet in the middle of it all, they bring to mind God and recall his faithfulness.  Yet that recollection does not take away from the chapters of distress they express.  They were not just a believer in the great is thy faithfulness section. Yes, we can go thorough those dark times too as a believer.  We are not less than believers because we do or weak Christians.  We are like the author of that book struggling, dealing with frustration, depression, and even feeling attacked by God himself at times.  Yet we too can still in that state remember that God is faithful and let that inform the hopelessness we are struggling against. 

I truly believe that’s why all of these scriptures and books are included in the bible. It is God’s way of demonstrating that it’s OK to not be OK and to have these very human thoughts, feelings, and experiences. That we all struggle with our thoughts about how things don’t seem fair in life, we all struggle with how things feel so meaningless and pointless at times, and we all struggle to believe in what we cannot see when facing challenges, grief, and hard times. We are not bad Christians for having these thoughts. We are not weak people who are hopeless. No, we’re human. 

God knew our human condition yet he still loved us enough to send his son for us when we were still his enemies. He’s well acquainted with our frailties and our weaknesses, and he doesn’t despise us for them. We’re the ones who hate ourselves for our weaknesses, we’re the ones who get mad at ourselves when we aren’t a good enough Christian because our faith just isn’t strong enough, we’re the ones who condemn ourselves with our thoughts and our words. He’s the one who when we go to his house informs us of the truth that helps us see clearly. It’s like our thoughts are muddy water and he brings a clarity to it so it’s crystal clear and we can understand and find peace.

So tonight, if you had some thoughts that you just didn’t feel were quite faith filled enough and Christian enough don’t condemn yourself. You’re not less, you’re not rejected by God because of your thoughts and feelings.  No, you are loved by God. Just as Jesus said to the woman who was brought to him who had committed adultery. When he told all the people you who are without sin cast the first stone and all the accusers left. He looked at the woman and he said “where are your accusers?  Has no one condemned you?” The woman’s answer was “no one Lord?”  Jesus responded “neither do I condemn you.”

I think that Jesus would want you to hear the same words right now. He is not condemning you for your very human thoughts whether they be anger over unfairness, bitterness over perceived injustice, weariness because life is just plain hard, doubt because sometimes it’s hard to believe, depression because of hard times, or any other thoughts you perceive as not the faith filled or the righteous Christian thoughts you think you should have. He doesn’t condemn you. You can express these thoughts and these feelings to him without judgement. Just don’t stay in them forever. Go to his house and let him enlighten you to the truth beyond the feeling or the thoughts that you’re thinking. It might take several chapters of your story to get past the thoughts you’re thinking and feelings, to move past what you are dealing with in the moment.

Maybe I didn’t cover the brand of whatever the thoughts you struggle with. But I guarantee you if you look in scripture, you’ll see that somebody thought it before you. God loved all of them and wrote their stories, and he’s written one for you too. It’s absolutely lovely in all of its raw messiness and authentic beauty. So in conclusion yeah your thoughts are scriptural just not in the way you expected, Find freedom in that truth today.