I was looking through old pictures. That was probably my mistake. Sometimes it makes me melancholy when I look back. Mostly because I feel like I’m not the person that I once was. Sometimes I wonder what that girl would have thought about the woman that I’ve become.  

I know I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way. It’s not an easy feeling or emotion to live through. It’s not exactly a regretful emotion it’s mostly sadness. You see I grieve for the things that never were or the things that I lost. I look in the hopeful eyes of my younger face and see someone I wish I still was but know that I can never be because of what I have lived through.

I’m not sure what to do with this but I know it’s not beneficial to get trapped here. So, I’ll let myself for a moment feel and then I’ll get up and move on. For better or worse I am who I am now. Although, I might not be the person I want to be or the person I thought I would be, I’m certainly still in a great position. I’ve heard that saying it’s not a lot but it’s my life. Well, it’s true that we have to learn to be content with the reality we live in. It’s not settling or wanting less for yourself it’s just realizing that you have to be at peace in your reality.

Maybe I’m glad that the younger me didn’t know, that she could look forward to the future with hope and anticipation. Maybe 30 years from now I’ll feel the same way about who I am today, when I’m a much older version of myself, because who I am now is pretty wonderful too.

We aren’t still waters like a pond instead we are rivers flowing. Our flow is guided by the terrain around us and at the same time we affect the terrain. It’s not sad that it flows or that it’s changing its just reality. It’s the same way it is for us. We shouldn’t let the past be a glum thing instead we should learn lessons from the experiences we’ve had, heal, and grow even through the pain we experienced.  

We should seek to become better in our life, not bitter. We should do just keep swimming like Dory says in “Finding Nemo”. Just keep swimming. Keep your eyes forward and keep moving forward. It’s OK to look back at pictures every once in a while, but don’t get trapped there. Remember we don’t have yesterday because it’s already gone, and we don’t have tomorrow because we don’t know if it will ever come. All we have is right now. I pray today you can find joy in that, or at least a bit of contentment.