Lately I’ve been thinking and writing a lot about how to live like Jesus lived. To follow his example and model of loving, study, and more. 

Today though I find myself thinking about how much I don’t live like him. Have you ever felt like that? Like an unsuccessful Christian. Have you ever felt like the worst of sinners? I know I have.

There’s something that pulls me back to doing the things that I don’t want to do. Well, if I’m being honest, I actually want to do them, but I know I shouldn’t. So, it’s as if there’s a part of me that wants to do what’s right but there’s another part of me that wants to get what I desire. There’s a constant war and struggle inside of myself. When I lose that battle and I make those choices that I know probably aren’t the best choices, I can’t help but feel defeated. What good is it knowing all the ways to be like Jesus if I can’t follow them or if it’s such a struggle to stay on the narrow path?

That’s what I find myself contemplating today. The truth is scripture tells us that wide is the road that leads to destruction. It’s the easy path. It’s the path where you can do whatever you want and have whatever you want in whatever way you want it. It would seem like this is a form of freedom but yet we know because of the truth of what sin does it’s actually a prison of its own kind. You see sin begets more sin. So on and so forth until you’re in this continual cycle of wanting more and more and more. It’s like with medication. When you first start one pill might do the trick. But you build a tolerance to it, and you need a higher dose. Just to get the same level of relief it requires more medicine.

Sin very much behaves in that same way. You give in to a small thing and then you find that the momentary pleasure fades with each exposure to that vice. You need more and more to find what you feel like is a momentary satisfaction or relief. You literally become a slave to your desires. That’s what it talks about in scripture when it says that you’re freed by God, it’s freedom to not be a slave to that part of you that wants and wants and wants and is never satisfied. That momentary pleasure leaves you emptier than it found you. It’s the deception or the lie of sin. That somehow it satisfying because it offers a momentary thrill or feeling, yet the truth is that moment will never last, and it will only lead you to seek more and more just to find the same relief. 

Sin is not a popular topic. People don’t like to talk about it or consider it. Yet there are things that separate us from God. There are actions that we take that are harmful for our bodies or for the people around us. There are things that we do that have negative consequences. We can candy coat it, we can call it some other name, and we can deny that it’s a problem.  None of those rejections of the truth stop the truth from being what it is. The truth is all of us have sinned. Sin has consequences. It separates us from God and feeds our flesh. Apart from God we are slaves to our own desires and to our flesh. Only through the redemptive work of Christ can we find freedom. Remember you can’t serve 2 masters. So, if you’re serving yourself, you are not serving God. If you’re living to feed your flesh, you are not feeding your spirit.

Let me be clear, I am not saying that you are now or will ever be free of this struggle. I am not free from this struggle and never will be just like you.  I can tell you most days I really wish I was free of it, this struggle. Still, freedom is not freedom from the struggle, freedom is freedom from the chains that allowed us to not have victory. So yes, sometimes I might fail and sin, but still, I’m free because that sin doesn’t own me anymore. I’m not a slave to it. I don’t have to give in to it. With God’s strength and with his help I can make a different choice. With the support of the people in my life that he’s given me and through his assistance in situations, sin doesn’t have to win in my life. Even when I do fail, I am free from the condemnation of that sin because Christ took my shame and bore my judgement.

So just sitting here and being frustrated and angry at myself for not being the kind of Christian I want to be in every moment is not what God would want me to be thinking and feeling. He doesn’t want me to be a slave to my sin, but he also doesn’t want me to be a slave to the condemnation of my sins. He doesn’t want me to believe the lie that the enemy is trying to get me to believe, that I stand condemned for my failings. I do not.

No, I am free. Free from the sins that I have committed through the forgiveness of Jesus Christ.

I am free. Free from the guilt and shame of my sins because Christ bore my guilt and bore my disgrace.

I am free. I will not be punished for the sins that I committed although I deserve that punishment because Christ took my punishment for me.

I am free. Free from sins incredible hold over me.

Through the power of the holy spirit and the wisdom and guidance from God’s word I might not win every victory over sin but as I feed my spirit, I will win more victories than I will lose them. Ultimately even though I will still struggle and lose a few battles, I am free, and I have victory.

Every day there’s a little less of me and a little more of Jesus. So maybe all the ways Christ has modeled for me to live I don’t always rise up to. Maybe there will be times that I fail and falter as I walk with the Lord. Yet I am on the narrow path, struggling and fighting with my human nature and my flesh. Trying to feed and strengthen my spirit. Still, I am on the narrow path, and I will not hang my head in shame. The chains that once bound me have been taken away. I will not spend my life looking at them. I will not pick them back up. What about you?

What’s your plan of action? When you sit just like me and you think and feel like a failure as a believer. When you wonder how God could continue to love you when you never seem to get it right. When you would sit in shame and condemnation that you know is not a message God is giving you. It’s time to get up, and step away from that.

It’s time to speak truth and change the narrative to the story. Yes, we struggle, (you and I) and yes, we fail (you and I), but that doesn’t mean we are failures. Not as a person and not as a believer. Because the greater truth is that we are free through the redemptive work of Jesus Christ. And all those things that haven’t been made right he’s working to bring into alignment. No matter how long it takes. Praise God for his Grace! And his mercy! That preserves us and sustains us as we struggle and walk on the narrow way with him!