Today at the end of the day I felt myself in desperate need of some time with the Lord. So many thoughts and feelings, anxieties, and the heaviness of life had been bombarding me. I guess I get mad at myself sometimes or disappointed in myself because I am affected by the heaviness of life. As if, because I know so many wonderful truths about the Lord, have been so greatly blessed by God, and continue to remain in his love, that I shouldn’t be affected or feel overwhelmed by life at times. As if God was some kind of magical umbrella keeping me completely dry and protected, untouched by the rain that is the many and varied difficult circumstances in life. He doesn’t keep the rain from touching us, he doesn’t stop us from experiencing challenges, but he does stay with us so we’re not alone. He stands with us in the rain, no matter how heavy the downpour. We’re sheltered by his presence which is a buffer of sorts. However, it doesn’t stop the weather.

Previously I wrote a devotion about how God is our rock. That we stand rooted in him. We will not fall or be destroyed. We will be challenged, we will be tried, we will be pressed, and we will find ourselves weathering all kinds of storms even when we stand on the rock. So, the idea that we wouldn’t feel the weight of these pressures and challenges is ridiculous. It’s not realistic. It’s not what God expects of us, to be strong in faith always and to never feel fear or be discouragement. He knows we will feel it all, but he is there with us showing us truth and comforting us. 

He helps us believe. Faith is belief when you can’t see what you are actually hoping for. It’s believing in the waiting and in the not knowing. The very definition of who we are, people of faith, would imply that we’re going to be challenged. We don’t receive everything we have faith for when we want it and how we want it.  Literally, our eyes will not see what we hope for at times, because it’s not here yet, but our hearts believe. The road of faith is not easy and does not always feel good. We will all feel moments when we wonder if we can hold on to hope because just for a few moments we might look through our own eyes. Reality can deceive us and cause doubts. We have to remember to look through God’s eyes and to look through the eyes of faith, believing for what is unseen. When we doubt, which all of us will at some point, then we should ask God to help us believe.

It takes courage and faith in our walk with the Lord. God helps us have courage too. Courage is action in spite of fear. Yet sometimes anxiety can be overwhelming and the giant you are facing can seem entirely undefeatable. Maybe you want to run and hide, maybe this time you want the giant to just leave because you don’t see how you will ever win.  We all have moments when we are more like the Israelites who watched Goliath for 40 days and did nothing, rather than being like David and bravely challenging the giant.  The truth is we can face the giants, because of our faith in God who does the impossible and provides us his strength to sustain us. We can face the giants if we rely on the Lord and believe as David did “The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this philistine.” We can believe that God has been faithful before and he will faithfully rescue us again.  We can also believe as David did when he declared, “all those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.” We can face the giant and his entire army bravely because we understand who the battle belongs to and who gives us the victory.

I know, wouldn’t it just be easier if we didn’t have to face giants in our life. Unfortunately, the truth isn’t that he saved us from all trouble.  No, it’s that he stands with us and fights for us in the midst of it. That the battles that we face belong to the Lord. So, in those moments when we feel genuine fear and anxiety because what we’re facing really is terrifying, we can go to the Lord and draw on his courage. He will help us, but we have to ask. We can acknowledge our limitations but recognize his limitlessness. God will be strength in our weakness. He will go before us and uphold us. We will not fight any of our battles alone or by the strength of our own hand. He will lend us his courage and we will find it when we stand in faith.  

Here’s the issue.  All of these things I know to be true, and I believe them. Yet I found myself tonight realizing that you can know truth, but you can still need God to give you faith to believe.  Sometimes, you can’t find it in yourself.  That courageous warrior woman or man of God is really just a scared kid, tired and worn. Isn’t it good to know that you can still borrow courage from the Lord and his word. What relief to find that you can know that he will fight the battle for you, that he’s your defender, but even greater than that, he is your father, comforter and friend.  He wants nothing more than for you to come to him with all of your doubts, fears, and cares and find rest in him.  

We can go to God and tell him that in our humanness we are feeling very overwhelmed by life. No matter how long you’ve stood strong, that’s not how you have to be with him. He’s not disappointed by your humanness, it doesn’t surprise him or make him love you less.  We just have to go to him as we are.  

When I go to him, I can look at the Lord while I shelter under his wings and tell him the truth of what I am feeling:  that I don’t like how this thing anxiety that’s coming against me feels, that the giant I’m facing terrifies me and I don’t know how I can face it, that I’m having a very hard time believing even though I know that he’s proven himself before but this time it’s just so very hard to believe, or that I really wish he would take away all the struggles.  I can tell him exactly, in a very raw and honest way how I feel, and what I desperately need from him. The amazing thing is, he will still love me just the same. He doesn’t love us only when we are “strong”, “righteous”, “fearless”, and “bold”.  He loves us at all times and in all ways – when we are like David or when we are more like the other Israelites that day so long ago. 

We need to give ourselves permission as believers to be real with God. He already knows how you feel so it doesn’t do any good to candy coat what you’re feeling, lie to yourself or God. It’s better to just go to him and say here’s my weaknesses Lord. Here is what I am wrestling with.  God, here is where I need you to help me. We can be confident that he is with us, and that he will provide whatever we lack in that moment: strength, courage, faith, peace, love, rest, or anything we need.

Come as you are and keep coming that way.  He knows life is hard, remember Jesus walked here just like you and me.  This is exactly why the scripture exists that says come all of you who are heavy laden and burdened, and I will give you rest. There’s no one else to go to that will bring true relief.  There’s nowhere else to go to unburden your soul, to leave all your cares and your woes, your doubts and your fears, and your pains and all your struggles that offers the path to true freedom and help.  We should go to the Lord. Take it all to him. In honesty and in our humanness.  Trusting in his love for us and in his promise to provide what we need, if we would only ask.