Devotions For Real Life

As a mother of four, I have watched my share of Disney movies. One of the movies I enjoyed very much because of the hilarious small armed T-Rex was “Meet the Robinsons.” In this movie the main character, Lewis, is an inventor. He only feels like his inventions are a success if they work properly and when they fail, he is devastated. That is until he meets the Robinsons, his new family, and they show him a new point of view. They show him that failure is a success because we can learn from it, we can grow from the experience. What a great lesson! 

I’m afraid I was not taught that way when I was growing up. It was a succeed and feel pride or fail and be ashamed mentality passed on to me.  If I got it right, I was proud and felt accomplished. When I failed, I would certainly not celebrate it, more likely I would hide it or lie about it.  I never saw failure as an opportunity for growth but only as an opportunity to show how weak and not good enough I was. Embarrassment and shame went hand in hand in those situations. 

The way I was taught carried over into my adult life. If I failed as an adult, I would hide it, cover it up, and certainly feel shame over my personal failings completely blaming myself. Even to the point of beating myself up over it, over and over and over again. It my mind failing was obviously what I was bound to do as someone who was deficient. That look on Lewis’s face when he failed in front of his new family, when he was devastated at his failure, I understand it full well because I’ve lived it. It’s a scene played out in my own life. So many mistakes, so many times I fall short, and oh so many times I’ve missed the mark. Then comes the inevitable shame. But does it have to be this way? Is there a better way to live or a better perspective to see my failures through? 

Yes, there is a different way to live, a better way. First, we all have to realize a huge truth, we are human.  I know this doesn’t seem like a great revelation after all it is so obvious, but it is something we need to consider.  We need to understand the implications of our humanness, and our human nature. The Bible declares that we all like sheep have gone astray. There is none righteous no not one.  All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. This doesn’t paint mankind in a very positive light, but it declares that we are very much flawed as humans. The Bible even declares that our hearts are wicked and selfish. Not a good look. We like to think that we are better than we really are. The truth is without Christ there is no good in us, no righteousness, and no holiness. Apart from the vine there is nothing good, productive, or successful that we can do. So, we must accept the truth of our weakness, our humanity, our selfishness, and our unrighteousness. Yet we are not left in this weakened condition without help. 

You see God knew we would fail, God knew we were flawed, yet he still loved us. This leads me to the next part. We don’t stop in the part of the verses that declare how weak and corrupt we are as humans.  We read on.  Yes, we are fallen but God! Look at the scriptures further. All we like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way, but the Lord has laid on him, on Christ, the iniquity of us all. Though our hearts are evil, and we are not righteous in ourselves, Christ offers us his own righteousness as a covering. He offers to turn our stone hearts into hearts of flesh. He promises that if we ask, he will make us new, restored, and redeemed. So, stopping at I’m evil or messed up is not right. You have to go further. We are made right in Him. We are in process. We don’t quit because of our failings because we realize that he is still working on us.

If we know we are flawed, and we accept then that he saves us, what does this have to do with Lewis and the message of failure being a success? After all it’s not a success if we sin. But here’s the point, even as a believer we will still fail and fall short. God’s work will continue working in us through our struggles. Instead of looking at these times as seasons that we should feel shame over, we can change our attitude. 

Romans declares that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So even when we fail as believers, we are still his, we are still not under condemnation, and we are free from guilt and shame. God’s grace will be sufficient, and he will forgive us. God would not want us to return to those same things over and over. When I fail, I do what it says in proverbs for the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in the times of calamity. Or as a song I once heard said “we fall down, we get up, the Saints are just the sinners who fall down and get up.”

 Remember he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. You will be complete. Till then celebrate that we can learn from our failings. We are becoming stronger because of our struggles like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon getting strong enough to fly because of having to push its way out of the cocoon. It is the same for us. If you descend into shame, you miss the lesson, you don’t learn, and then you are apt to repeat the same mistakes. Then you find yourself stuck in this shame cycle. When I refer to the shame cycle here is what I mean.  First, I feel ashamed of something I’ve done and then that drives me to seek comfort which generally means that I go back to that thing that I did, which then brings me to shame again. Yeah, it’s crazy. But that’s what shame does. It gets you stuck, and you never really grow, learn, change, or move forward. So instead of getting stuck in the shame cycle, it’s time to break the shame cycle. That’s what I plan to do. When I get up and brush myself off after falling down, I’m going to listen and learn, asking God to help me see how I can live better.  Seek God’s wisdom on how I can proceed differently in a way that will bring about true change. Maybe I will fail again in new ways. As a matter of fact, I can almost guarantee it. Yet I will rise again and again, no matter how many times I fall down or no matter how many times it takes to overcome. I will continue to get back up. Till that blessed day I will finally emerge from the cocoon and fly, transformation complete, and stronger for the struggle.

To my fellow sojourners, I pray you will do the same, and make the same choice. Keep rising, fighting, holding on to faith and rejecting the shame. One day we will all fly, fully transformed. Celebrate. Celebrate not that we have failed or sinned. Instead, we are celebrating that we are free from the shame of it, we are celebrating that we can learn and grow from our failures and experiences, we are celebrating that we are able to through God’s strength get back up again, and we celebrate not only for ourselves but for others. Others who like us are fighting the good fight. Celebrate the process, and what that process means. The implications are ultimately wholeness and completeness, and yes perfection finally as one day we will be as we were meant to be.

Be like Louis when he learned a new way, look at your family of believers around you and celebrate as we are all in process, that’s how it was meant to be.

Scriptures: Proverbs 24:16, Micah 7:8, Romans 8:1(the whole chapter is amazing, you should read it all), Isiah 53:6, Jeremiah 17:9, Romans 3:10-12, Ezekiel 36:26-28, Hebrews 3:13, Hebrews 10:24-27

Warning.  Human Here.  I’m under construction! Yes, I feel like this is the warning label for me.  Why am I warning you, it simple, I need you to see the truth before you dive in and get the wrong impression.  I feel like it’s the only way to start out right on this journey I plan to embark on. 

            You see for as long as I can remember, I’ve been writing.  Not stories, that was not where I excelled.  Instead, I would write about my life, whether it was through poetry or later inspirational things. When I started writing at about 10 years old, I did it to express so much of my pain. My home was full of conflict and arguing.  Most of the time I desperately needed a way to get out all I was feeling inside.  It was like I was bleeding on the page all the things I was thinking and feeling. Sweet relief.  Writing was a path to freedom and release because the hurt was not acknowledged. That’s what writing was to me in the beginning. 

            As I grew older, I stopped writing for a time. It’s simple, I got busy and the things that consumed my every day took up to great a space. Sitting and just jotting down poems didn’t seem important when I was juggling full-time work and later parenting. But eventually I got back to it, to writing, but this time it was different. I came into my own style, and perhaps it was because I had spent so much of my life reading devotions and going to church, that’s what came out of me.  The life lessons and things I have learned from God began to inspire me and pour from my soul. It was great because I’m a verbal processor so I would process and write.  It helps clarify things that I struggled to understand, and I loved doing it.  I enjoy creating these so much that I have several notebooks of these short devotionals. Occasionally, I would pull one out and share one with a friend, but that’s as far as it went.  Eventually, I just figured (And I know this sounds morbid) that when I died maybe my children would find them and publish them. Kind of like Oswald Chamberlin.  I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I like the sound and lessons laid out in the mini messages God inspired me to write so I thought they had some potential value, or perhaps they might bless someone else.  Yet the way that could happen did not occur to me. So, I just sat on them, not literally, I just moved them with me from place to place and stored them mostly. For years. 

Now I’m in my early 40s and I’ve lived a lot of life. I think it’s time that I did something with these small nuggets of wisdom and inspiration that God gave me. Maybe it’s realizing that I don’t have to wait till I die, if these mini messages can help someone, is it right to just keep it to myself?  But I still had a very big reservation about embarking on this journey.

            Here it is, before I go much further, I want to say that the idea of putting these out there is also very scary to me. Offering my soul up on a platter for judgement. Probably another reason why I waited so long.  I’ve had a lot of devotion books from other people, and I knew that these people often go on to speak at conferences and things such as that, not that I think I’m on any kind of equivalent level to those people. But I know that often in the Christian world if somebody is seen as inspired or has something to offer, a lot of people want to learn from them. I don’t feel in any way worthy of any title like that.  Not that I’m some kind of horrible person, but I’m very flawed and if you looked, you don’t even have to look hard, you would see why I think that.  Too often Christian people are expected to be perfect, and I will never be.  My view of myself is simple, I see myself as a very flawed individual, whose trying but continually fails. If I’m being 100% honest, I completely understand what Paul said when he said that I am the chief of all sinners. I’ve had a failed marriage, failed relationships, and I’ve even had to change my career a few times.  If you looked for references, there would be some who would not recommend me.   This is not false humility or self-slander if there is such a thing. This is truth. 

This flawed human, God has inspired.  I can’t imagine why.  I am not somebody who I would put up on any kind of a pedestal as a success story or somebody to listen to. This has been my greatest hesitation in sharing these things that I have written. You see I may have put pen to paper and written them, but I feel like they were inspired by the Lord, and that if I have any kind of a gift in writing all the credit goes to him. If there’s anything good in me it’s God, the rest is me.  God’s helping me through this too, and maybe my humanity, my flaws, are what reminds me of my great need for him.  So, I praise God I am flawed.  I just don’t want to put any other message out there or have anyone expect perfection.  I’m under construction remember.

            You might think it’s funny but I even thought maybe I should just write under some kind of pseudonyms so people wouldn’t really know who I am. I’m not ashamed of myself or my life, I just don’t think it’s noteworthy. I am the same as anyone else really.  

            So why am I writing this warning label, because I want it known that any honor or glory that comes from any of this writing goes to one place. Only through the power of the Holy Spirit and his inspiration and guidance could any wisdom pour out of me. Also, I want to warn that some of the things I write are hard truths. Yes, there is such a thing because truth can be hard to hear and process, even for me while I’m writing it.  People don’t always like the truth. You might not agree with everything, I don’t know if I do. But I try to be true to what the scripture says and to what God has taught me in life, through living life and his word. It is not easy to put yourself out there, and I’ve always said anonymity is a nice thing, not being looked at or noticed, just being able to hide. I do have a hiding place, that’s what God has always been for me. 

            Full disclosure, I don’t just have writings and journals of all happy inspired things, but I also have an angry journal.  I think everybody should. You ought to have a place where you can release the negative and really be honest with how you truly feel. God already knows you’re thinking it, so why not get it out so it doesn’t stay inside.  You see if I’ve learned one thing in my 44 years of living it’s that whether it’s my angry journal, or the inspirational writings that God pours through me, every single part of me God knows and loves. It’s the broken vessel that he died for, that his light shines more clearly through. That’s who I am. 

            So, if you’re looking for a role model look to Jesus, not me. If you’re looking for wisdom look to God, not me. But if you’re looking for a fellow Sojourner that is just traveling through and holding onto Jesus all the way, well you could look my way then. Maybe I can share the truths and hope he places in me with you.  I hope that all the things I have learned, endured, grown through, and have discovered along my life’s path will be a blessing to you.  Here goes Lord, I’m not burying it.  I’ll go ahead and shine, just for you Jesus – for Him, Through Him, and To Him, And for Him Alone – Always.